thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
