I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
