They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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