Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And then he peed in my hair
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