i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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