You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
