How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
