I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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