You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
