I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
