At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
