goodnight i made you a song goodbye
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
