we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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