You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
