Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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