Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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