'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
