Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
