from now on my penis is your penis
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
