I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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