Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
