When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
