Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
