I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
