would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
