i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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