You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
