Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
