i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
