The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
