Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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