I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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