I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
