I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's on the porch naked. Help.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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