Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
