you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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