I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
