tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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