Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
