my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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