i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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