i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
