Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it glows. i had to have it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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