He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
