i think my tv is drunk
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
