So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
