he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
