He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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