Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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