Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
