There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
