I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
