I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
