i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
