It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
