I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
His nipple licking is glorious
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